Newly released journal entries written by Audrey Hale, the transgender shooter who took the lives of six people at Nashville’s Covenant Christian School last year, have provided a disturbing glimpse into her state of mind leading up to the horrific attack. The four dozen pages of writings, obtained by The Tennessee Star, reveal Hale’s fixation on her “imaginary penis,” her resentment towards her conservative Christian upbringing, and her belief that access to hormone blockers could have alleviated her suffering.
Hale, a biological woman who identified as a transgender man, began her notebook with the unsettling heading “My Imaginary Penis,” accompanied by a crude drawing. She expressed her conviction that she was male, writing, “My penis exists in my head. I swear to god I’m a male.” The entries delved into Hale’s struggles with gender dysphoria and her desire for male genitalia to engage in sexual intercourse with women.
The shooter’s writings also shed light on the challenges she faced when using her preferred male name, “Aiden,” on a job application, which caused issues with the company’s background check. Hale described the “torture” of growing up as a girl and expressed fear of being called derogatory names by her high school peers.
Hale’s discovery of transgenderism in her early 20s was a turning point, with her writing, “I finally found the answer — that changing one’s gender is possible.” However, her mother’s conservative views and reluctance to accept her transition strained their relationship, with Hale expressing frustration and hatred towards “parental views.”
The emergence of puberty blockers in the 2010s elicited a strong reaction from Hale, who wrote, “I’d kill to have those resources.” She lamented that by the time the drugs became available, she had already gone through puberty.
Disturbingly, Hale’s journal entries also detailed her use of stuffed animals to act out sexual situations in her fantasies of being a male seducing a woman. She wrote about spending hours simulating sexual activity between her “stuffed boy doll” named Tony and another plush toy, even taking pictures of the simulated acts.
Just 16 days before the shooting, Hale made politically charged statements about the rights of transgender individuals and gun owners, expressing her hatred for politicians who she believed criminalized both.
The release of these journal entries has sparked debate, with some accusing government officials of initially withholding the information out of fear of harming the transgender community. As the investigation continues, the disturbing insights into Hale’s troubled mind serve as a sobering reminder of the complex factors that can contribute to such tragic events.
